This it’s a blog I’ve been wanting to write for a while, I always have friends asking me “How to make a long distance relationship work?” and is not the I know the perfect answer; every couple, every case is different from the distance, hours of difference, commitment… etc., But what I can write about is what you can expect once you are in a Long Distance relationship. For my luck I had always end up in a Long Distance haha I have no idea why I would always attracted a man miles away from me (haha)… So I think I know very well the subject of a Long Distance haha. As you can imagine not all of them succeed, I think is very important you keep that in mind, not all the relationships will succeed regardless if your partner is right next to you or miles away.
Like I mention before all three of my most significant relationships were long distance, I never planned for some reason I will met a guy and once I was in our first official date I would find out he lives miles away. My first relationship was only 45 minutes away it was more easy to keep it going since we would see each other every weekend, but I was too young to make a very serious commitment, My second was in San Francisco 6 hours away from Los Angeles, we truly work hard to make it work but the trust in our relationship fail taking us in different directions, the third and final was at first in Seattle WA and after all the way in Italy when i was living in California, we decided to finish the long distance as soon possible so we got married.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is the long distance relationships sucks! haha yeah you read right they do suck and I’ve seen both sides, the one side when you need to reach the moment of letting go and the other side where the pain and loneliness are so worth it at the end.
But these are the things you should know about when you enter in one:
NO HUGS, NO KISSES
You have to know the after saying good bye at the airport will start a long period of time of no hugs and no kisses, and it might not be a big deal the first week until the day your girlfriend or buddy would invite to get a drink, dinner, movies…etc. and you see this lovely couple been romantic right in front of you! I mean is like the red car you never notice before but right after you purchase it you start seen it EVERYWHERE. Physical touch can be a break deal in long distance relationships, so if you are the type of person who loves to be kissed, touch, maybe this is not the ideal relationship for you.
But I’m not saying is impossible, your creativity as a person starts developing more…you replace a hug with a call, a kiss with an hour of Face Time, a romantic touch with an unexpected text message. The base of your relationship is not in the physical touch but is based on good conversations, good laughs with each other. And I truly believe that everyone who has been in a long distance relationship can agree with me, that you really have better conversations the with someone that is close to you.
NO, IM NOT SINGLE … I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
One of the things you will have to affront is the fact the when you are in long distance relationship we miss a lot of the good events, birthdays, Christmas, new years, graduations… and people around you make you feel like you are single making questions like “I though your boyfriend was coming” “So where is your boyfriend” and you start missing the fact the he/she is not there to celebrate, or simply to go the movies with you.
But I learn that no matter where I would go, Luca was always present with me. I make it present…Have Face Time with your family, with your friends, make your boyfriend/girlfriend present at any time. Make that relationship real for you and everyone around you. And on special occasions don’t stop the details you can still celebrate in every way, cutting a cake together, take a glass of wine, watch the same movie on Netflix at the same time while both are in the phone! The most important in a Long Distance Relationship is how much effort will you be willing to put into the relationship to work. Be creative! And make sure everybody around knows that you are not single; make your relationship as real as is he/she lives right next door.
FLY WITH ME, LETS FLY AWAY…
Another thing you should know is the Long distance relationships can be pricy, buying a plane ticket every month it’s not as easy as it sounds. One of the reason my second relationship fail was because we were not financially stable to be spending an extra $200-$400 every month and that means the wait to see each other is a little bit longer.
Now having to wait a little longer brings a lot tension on the table, brings questions, insecurities in the relationship, so you must be ready to know how to handle them… and make the communication a priority in your relationship to make it work. It’s important to talk about this subject right from the beginning before the feelings have start to been developed even more. You should make questions like “How often are we seeing each other?” “Can we take turns to flight?” or is “Only one person flying all the time” if you are not sure what’s the goal in the relationship it will be a waist of time to be honest. As a couple you need make it work. Make that extra effort to save money and get that plane ticket, it will be the best investment you can make in a Long Distance Relationship.
90% of a Long Distance Relationships are promises. “When we stay together…” “When I see you I will…” “One day we are going…” and I’ve learn the to make it work is very important to keep it real, a long distance required as much work as a couple who live together. It requires commitment, compromise, and communication. So we can’t live in a fantasy that everything is perfect. Try as hard to make short time promises… Don’t wait to long to express how you really feel, like I said before if you wish to go the movies plan a Netflix and Skype date, try to make the distance as short as you can. Believe me it would hurt less to be separated from each other.
BACK TO REALITY
Let’s remember the once we said our good byes at the airport there is a reality waiting for us back at home, a reality that involves our family, our friends, our work place. You have to keep in mind that your partner will cross words with other people besides you. Trust is the essential key of every single Long Distance Relationship, once you understand your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s world TRUST is a peace of cake. But when you are still trying to figured out his/her world it becomes a challenge in the relationship, also keep in mind that since the moment you said yes to a long distance you have to keep an open mind that there is a real world around your boyfriend or girlfriend.
It will be the night where your boyfriend won’t be able to Skype because he has a hang out with his friends, which is totally ok! The more real you keep the relationship the more healthy it would be, if you know he will go out that night try to make space early in the day to chat for a little bit. Something that really helps my relationship with Luca was the fact that we gave each other the time to spend with our friends in our real world; we never question each other if what we were saying was truth… Luca make sure that I knew all his friends and I did the same thing. So when we were not going to be able to speak at night we knew where we were and with whom.
At the end of the day there is such a great feeling when you finally see that person again and value those moments even more, I don’t regret anything I have gone thru with my now husband we spend almost 5 months without seeing each other when he moved back to Italy and I had to stayed in California, give up was probably the best option but now when I wake up right next to him every morning made all the wait so worth it, because in your heart you know he/she is worth the wait. So don’t give up!
With Love Yuri,